Let me guess….
You’re just a simple, easy-going woman looking for a confident man with a great sense of humour who knows exactly what he wants in life. You love travel, tacos, being active, creativity, dogs, red wine, and the occasional Netflix-and-Chill night.
Am I close?
I probably am, because 95% of the online dating profiles I’ve seen are the same. And you know what the same means?
Now before you get all bent out of shape inside your yoga mat, I want to acknowledge something…
If you had to make a list about ‘x’ Online Dating Profile Changes MEN Need to Make to Get the Women They Want, ‘x’ would probably be equal to 100. Or 1000. Maybe infinity.
But I’m a heterosexual man and I don’t read men’s dating profiles.
I know you have no problem getting messages from dudes saying, “What’s up, baby?” or “You look sexy!” or some other weak attempt to get your attention. And you’re sick of it. You want to start attracting good guys who are worth your time and effort.
I want to help you separate your profile from the rest of the women on OK Cupid, Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Match, Plenty of Fish, and eHarmony. Although each platform has its own differences, you can still apply the ideas I’m about to present to you throughout all of them.
Are you ready to become irresistible to attractive, successful, funny men?
Here are 10 pieces of advice to refine your dating profile and make that happen.
1) Stay Away From Negatives
Here’s something I read all the time in women’s dating profiles:
“I’m NOT looking for a guy who doesn’t know what he wants in life, can’t carry a conversation, eats meat, wears t-shirts to the bar, has a beard, loves cats more than dogs, and spends more time in the mirror than I do.”
The thing is, when you rhyme off a list of things you DON’T want, you’re giving off a sense of negativity. Talking about negatives makes you seem…well…negative. The guy reading your profile is going to assume you’re bitter, jaded, and angry. And believe me, those are the last traits good guys are looking for in a partner.
Instead, stick with the positives. Focus on what you love and the things you enjoy doing. Reframe your negatives into positives. For example, instead of saying, “I don’t want to date an ignorant, uninformed guy,” say, “I’m looking for someone who loves to chat about politics and current affairs.”
Stay away from negatives and you will attract better men.
2) Don’t Say, “I Don’t Know What I’m Doing Here”
I wish I had a dollar for every time I read this line on a woman’s profile:
“I’m new to this online dating thing and I don’t know what I’m doing here.”
You know EXACTLY what you’re doing here!
Maybe you’re feeling a bit lonely and want some companionship. Maybe you’re looking for a serious relationship. Maybe it’s been a few months without sex and you’re feeling horny.
You don’t have to necessarily state it, but you DO know why you’re giving online dating a go.
Stop saying you don’t.
3) Use More Than One Photo
Your photos are your first line of attack. And if you only have one photo, I’m swiping left and moving onto the next profile without giving you a second thought.
If you think that’s callous or mean, let me share something with you:
YOU’RE ONLINE DATING!
This is important because if you’re doing online dating and taking it too seriously, you’re probably going to end up disappointed. Yes, I know that serious, longterm relationships DO start from online dating, but it’s not the norm.
The fact is that men won’t make it to your well-written profile if your photos don’t grab their attention.
One photo isn’t enough. You need different angles, lighting, and settings.
If you don’t have multiple photos that you feel are online-dating-profile-worthy, ask a friend to take some pics of you.
And please…make sure the photos are recent. If a photo is more than a couple years old, stop kidding yourself. You’re not in your 20s anymore. Own your age with confidence.
4) Show Your Body
I’m being superficial? It’s time for me to remind you of something, once again:
YOU’RE ONLINE DATING!
Showing your whole body is of the same importance as a guy stating his true height (which I’ve heard is women’s pet peeve). Do you want to meet a guy who says he’s six feet tall and shows up sitting on a phone book in the driver’s seat of his Ford Fiesta?
No, you do not.
And men don’t want to be surprised, either.
If you’re avoiding posting photos of your body because you feel fat or out of shape then you’re not ready for dating. Start doing what you need to do to feel better inside your own body—then look for a romantic partner.
But if you’re confident in your body, no matter if you have a fit, average, or curvy body type, then you should own it. Believe me when I say that there are men out there looking for YOUR body type. But if you don’t show it off the way it is, you’re not going to find the right man for you.
If you look angry, sullen, or sad in your photos then I’m going to think that’s the type of person you are. Remember, we’ve never met. Your profile is your first impression and first impressions are important.
We all have those pictures of ourselves where we’re “laughing like nobody is watching.” Sometimes we might look a bit goofy, but I love these pics of women. When you smile and laugh, genuinely, light comes out of you that can be seen in photos.
I know you have a great smile so show it off. You’ll know you have a great smile in a photo because your eyes will sparkle. If you can’t see it, ask a friend to help you choose. Friends can often see our true selves in photos when we can’t.
6) Stop Bragging About Being a “Workaholic”
“I’m a workaholic. If I don’t message you back right away, it’s because I’m SOOOOOO busy making the world a better place.”
I don’t think there are many men or women out there who go into a new relationship hoping to play second fiddle to their partner’s career. You probably don’t mean to make it seem like your job is your top priority, but when you call yourself a workaholic that’s what you’re doing.
There’s a simple way to reframe this, though.
Instead of calling yourself a workaholic, just say that you love your job. You have passion for your career. You’re driven to succeed.
At least it doesn’t sound like you’re married to your job, because for most people, that’s a huge turnoff.
7) Be Unique
A dating profile is like an infomercial—you need to show a unique selling proposition quickly to grab a guy’s attention. Don’t use a bunch of empty adjectives that everyone else is using because we’ve read them all before.
How do you be unique?
Tell a story about yourself. Describe a guilty pleasure you have. Make a funny confession.
The profiles that don’t say the same ol’ same ol’ are the ones that always grab my attention.
Don’t be afraid of being unique and even a little vulnerable. Guys will take notice because you won’t appear the same as everyone else.
8) Show Confidence, Not Frustration
I know you might have gone through a tough breakup or two in the past and you’ve got your shields up. You might feel frustrated that you keep dating the wrong guys and you don’t know what the hell you’re doing wrong.
And if you feel that way, it tends to show through as frustration in your dating profile.
Give your profile a read. Do you seem frustrated at all? Perhaps a little bitter?
If so, the first thing you need to ask yourself is, “Am I really ready to start dating again?”
If you are ready, then replace that frustration with confidence. Don’t be afraid to write about what it is you’re looking for in a man (and remember to keep it positive!) If you’re frustrated and bitter, guys will smell it and run the other way. But if you show confidence in yourself and what you’re looking for, you’ll start to get more messages from good guys.
9) Use “Funny” Photos with Caution
I know the time you dressed up as Pee-wee Herman for Halloween was hilarious, but I’m not sure if that’s the type of photo you want to show a guy before he meets you in person.
I think we forget that online dating is a very different beast than meeting people in person. Contacting people for the first time without hearing their voices and seeing them standing in front of you is a different game.
I know you have a great sense of humour and you want to show it off, but use the funny photos with a degree of caution.
10) Show, Don’t Tell
When you try to brag about being smart, funny, and charming you look the opposite. You need to market and sell yourself. Do you buy a ShamWow because someone says it’s the best? No. You buy it because a fast-talking personality shows how it works and you realize it’s exactly what you need.
Online dating is the same. Stop telling people how great you are and show them.
One of my favourite online dating profiles was a woman who captioned her photos in humorous ways. For instance, a photo of her bicycle touring with a fully-loaded bike was captioned, “Cheap date.” For me, the photo showed that she was funny, had a sense of adventure, and loved to be active, without actually saying any of those things. That’s clever.
Get creative and good guys will notice.
Listen, I’m no pro but I’ve met a few women through online dating and those new connections have been positive experiences.
I don’t go into a first date looking to meet my next lover and partner—I go in looking to make a friendly, human connection, to learn something new, and enjoy our time together no matter what.
The key is to lower your expectations and have fun with it. Remember, YOU’RE ONLINE DATING! Don’t take it too seriously and you won’t be disappointed.
But if your online dating profile is weak, you’re going to keep attracting the same douche-bag, bathroom-mirror-selfie “fuck-boys” that you’re trying to avoid.
My last word of advice:
When you’re finished updating your profile, ask a friend you trust to review it for you. Do the photos portray your true image? Do your words reflect your true personality? It’s good to get a second set of eyes on your profile, just make sure you ask someone who you know will be honest, compassionate, and helpful.
Good luck and happy dating!