For me, FUN is…
Let me guess….
You’re just a simple, easy-going woman looking for a confident man with a great sense of humour who knows exactly what he wants in life. You love travel, tacos, being active, creativity, dogs, red wine, and the occasional Netflix-and-Chill night.
Am I close?
I probably am, because 95% of the online dating profiles I’ve seen are the same. And you know what the same means?
Now before you get all bent out of shape inside your yoga mat, I want to acknowledge something…
If you had to make a list about ‘x’ Online Dating Profile Changes MEN Need to Make to Get the Women They Want, ‘x’ would probably be equal to 100. Or 1000. Maybe infinity.
But I’m a heterosexual man and I don’t read men’s dating profiles.
I know you have no problem getting messages from dudes saying, “What’s up, baby?” or “You look sexy!” or some other weak attempt to get your attention. And you’re sick of it. You want to start attracting good guys who are worth your time and effort.
I want to help you separate your profile from the rest of the women on OK Cupid, Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Match, Plenty of Fish, and eHarmony. Although each platform has its own differences, you can still apply the ideas I’m about to present to you throughout all of them.
Are you ready to become irresistible to attractive, successful, funny men?
Here are 10 pieces of advice to refine your dating profile and make that happen.
How do you enjoy the journey of searching for true love when you’re going through a brutal breakup or divorce?
How do you enjoy the journey when you’re trying to get ahead in your career but you’re working 70 hours a week for a boss who you can’t stand?
How do you enjoy the journey of raising children when your kids are screaming, fighting, and keeping you up at all hours of the night?
“Life is about the journey, not just the destination” is so cliché that it has lost its meaning.
We’re surrounded by clichés everyday.
“Don’t judge a book by its cover.”
“What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.”
“Actions speak louder than words.”
Clichés remind me of traveling to Egypt to see the Pyramids or Rome to see the Colosseum. People overuse clichés to the point that they become meaningless words, just as tourist attractions can become sightseeing nightmares and lose their allure.
But clichés, just like the Pyramids and Colosseum, became popular for a reason. There is truth in clichés, just as there’s beauty in the world’s most popular tourist attractions.
I was reminded of the idea of enjoying the journey and not just focusing on the destination after picking up Chris Hadfield’s book, An Astronaut’s Guide to Life.
Chris Hadfield is a Canadian astronaut. He’s flown two space missions and served as commander of the International Space Station. He dreamed about being an astronaut since the age of nine and retired after 35 years as a military pilot, engineer, and astronaut.
He says that if he had weighed all his self-worth and success on being up in space, his career would have been a huge disappointment. The amount of time he spent in space was a fraction of the time he spent on Earth training, doing simulations, learning to speak Russian, studying, and moving his family all over the map.
As he says in his book, “Success, to me, never was and still isn’t about lifting off in a rocket. Success is feeling good about the work you do throughout the long, unheralded journey that may or may not end up at the launch pad. You can’t view training solely as a stepping stone to something loftier. It’s got to be an end in itself.”
But it’s not easy for us to enjoy the journey when life gets difficult and challenging. So how do we do it? How do we stay on track?
Here is a bit of advice from the most popular astronaut in Canadian history:
Most of us know that constantly seeking validation from others can be toxic to our lives because self-help experts won’t let us hear the end of it.
“You don’t need to be validated by other people!” these life coaches scream. “You’re the only person who needs to accept YOU!”
And like sheep, all the jaded, hurt, angry, guilty, shamed, sad, and resentful people-pleasers follow this shitty one-sided advice. These newly enlightened people throw off their validation shackles and set off on a journey of self-discovery. They dance in their underwear to C & C Music Factory in their living rooms and post the video on Instagram, telling the world, “I don’t care what anyone thinks, this makes me happy so I’m doing it!”
And as much as I support people grooving to Gonna Make You Sweat in their undies, not EVER seeking validation from others isn’t the right answer. We’re social creatures. We yearn for a sense of community. We want to feel like we’re part of a tribe—wanted, accepted, loved.
Sure, it’s NOT healthy to seek validation from other people for everything you do. But it’s equally harmful to retreat so far into yourself that you become an island, totally cut-off from the rest of the world.
As always, the key is to find a balance.
But how do we find the right balance between external and internal validation?
Here are five things to consider…
Have you ever lived beside the construction site of a major highway interchange? The noise is incredible. The banging and crashing outside my window was like a thousand nails scratching down a chalkboard. “Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep.” Trucks going in reverse can go fuck themselves.
I’d been staring at a blank computer screen for a week. Or was it two weeks? I was frustrated with my business. I had no inspiration to write, create, build. Hell, what was the point?
I had a cold. Who gets a cold in summer? Not that summer had arrived in Montreal, anyway. The weather was shit. I coughed, groaned, and walked to the bathroom to spit green sludge into the sink.
Already July. I looked into the mirror and it hit me: it had been exactly one year since the toughest breakup of my life. I felt a heaviness settle on my chest and a lump gather in my throat.
First world problems, right?
I was stuck in a rut. In a funk. Case of the blues.
But fast forward one week and my blues aren’t just gone, I’m on Cloud 9. I feel light and peaceful. I strut slowly through the streets with a painted-on smile, eating bags of 5¢ watermelon candies and saying “Hello” to strangers. I’ve got exciting ideas for my business. I’m inspired to write again. I feel regenerated.
Do you want to know my cure?
Here it is…